its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dignity is for republicans.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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