I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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