Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
