Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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