K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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