dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
