Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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