I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
