i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
