I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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