I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
