You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
