What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
