his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
