HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
