you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
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hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
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Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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