So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
