why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
