yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
