we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
