no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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