Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
