And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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