Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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