So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
