she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
