I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
