i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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