Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
