I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
