It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
