I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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