chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
