where am i from again
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
