her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
