miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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