I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
