I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
