why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
