I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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