I will die if light touches me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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