Nicole vs. Life
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
