We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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