there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Randomize
