the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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