I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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