from now on my penis is your penis
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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