oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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