my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
