Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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