And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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