So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
