FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Two words: blizzard sex
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
