Don't you send me to vm
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
