never play flip cup with pint glasses
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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