I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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