Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
