she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
