Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
