Will you blow on my dice?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
