Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
