We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
