Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
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I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
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i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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