I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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