My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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