Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
