I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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