He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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