I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
