You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
