and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
