So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
