new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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