There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
