u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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