if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be