Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to