i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.