If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
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according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
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I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?