Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
