dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.