She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.