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Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Randomize
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