I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize