Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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